To Be, Rather Than To Seem

I’m a medical student at Duke University, nestled in the woods of central North Carolina. So I thought it would be fitting to open with our state motto: Esse quam videri. Or in English, "To be, rather than to seem". It’s a beautiful sentiment, but when I started medical school in 2023, I felt like I was doing the exact opposite. I had a textbook case of imposter syndrome.

The Trap of Seeming

In those early months, I looked around the lecture hall and saw classmates who were better in every way. I felt like they were more confident, more skilled, and more knowledgeable than me. I wished desperately that I could measure up.

I chalked my insecurity up to a lack of clinical experience. My solution? Work harder. I poured myself into the daily grind of classes and studying. I thought if I could just work away my feelings of inadequacy, they would vanish. The classroom training, which was focused on developing clinical skills and knowledge, helped at first. I slowly gained confidence in clinical interactions and classroom discussions. However, the practice of medicine still seemed too mechanical. I tried to learn the right words and non-verbal cues, but it felt like acting. It felt like seeming. Ultimately it did not fix the underlying imposter syndrome. I realized that the responsibility and weight of this profession could not be managed simply by memorizing a script or following a rulebook.

Who Are You Becoming?

Dr. Walter Lee, the founder and director of International Phronesis Institute, took me on as a mentee during my lowest point. He did not just offer me study tips or time management hacks. Instead, he challenged my entire paradigm. He told me: "It’s about who you are... and who you are becoming."

If true, then my focus as a student should be on acting in alignment with virtues like compassion or competence, rather than on superficial actions which signal these characteristics. For example, how often had I studied “to the test” rather than “for the patient”? I had become focused on building appearances, not character. But how does one become the kind of doctor who is willing and capable of virtuously caring for patients? Dr. Lee introduced me to the Professionalism Intelligence Model, which posits that a successful professional has mastered three distinct intelligences: Emotional, Cognitive, and Leadership, anchored and held together by Virtues.

The Danger of Pure Intellectualism

I realized I had neglected the emotional aspects to treat medicine as a mainly intellectual and physical exercise. While clinical knowledge and skills are necessary to practicing medicine effectively, Dr. Lee helped me see that the other elements of the professionalism intelligence model are vital. For example, no amount of intellectualism can make up for the emotional problem of feeling unworthy.

We are all going to make mistakes. But a sense of worth based solely on performance is too fragile to survive the high-stakes and high-pressure hospital environment. Furthermore, if I only focused on the clinical knowledge and skills, I would miss the trust, the compassion, and the deep human connection that make this career worth it.

Looking Ahead

I am still in the process of becoming. I haven't mastered it yet. But I have hope that what I have learned and practiced will translate into a fruitful, sustainable career in medicine. This is why I am so passionate about the “Foundations for Flourishing” curriculum. We must teach the next generation not just how to seem like doctors and nurses, but how to be healers.